Practice Makes Perfect

    "Stay with It, You Got This, Focus, Eye on the Prize, Keep on Keeping On."  All of these statements are, I am sure, statements many of us have heard throughout the course of our lives.  Lots of times, these phrases are used in sports, or competitions, to encourage the 'player' to meet his mark, or goal.  However, the one in the competition does not hear those encouragements by chance.  Rather, they have earned a status of effort, by practicing to perfect their skill or challenge.  Right?  I would like to approach that concept with a new perspective today, as an article I read this week made me think very differently about life. 
     On Monday, March 21st, my dad, my sister, and myself, sat in an oncology office and listened in disbelief as the doctor spoke.  Obviously used to the task, without sugar coating, he said "Mr. Cruce, you have Stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  It has spread to your lymph nodes, and to your lungs.  If you choose no chemotherapy or other treatment, you have 6 months at best.  If you opt for chemotherapy, maybe 8-12 months.."  He then patted dad on the leg and said "you okay?"  I wondered if he actually thought he was okay??  My sister sat with her hand over her mouth in awe, and I just kept staring at the doctor, as if to say "are you serious?"  He then handed us a plethora of chemotherapy literature to take home, read/study, decide which he chose if any, and told us to come back in two weeks for an appointment to talk about the chemo of choice.  After that appointment, we would then make arrangements for the chemo treatments.  He seemed to really know his "stuff", he uderstood his abilities, he was educated, and well versed in his profession, but something was lacking.  We left there so saddened by the fact that the doctor had, in no uncertain terms, just put some sort of date stamp on dad's life.  The first thing I said when we got in the car, is "Dad, you know that he doesn't know your end.  Only God know's, and He is the one who decides."  Dad smiled and said "Oh, I know that.  I am okay.  I just want to get this going, and I don't think I want to keep waiting to start fighting. And, no matter what, I know that my forever is secure."  I felt great sadness, and great happiness at the same time...he wanted to fight, but he knew that if God had a different agenda, he was ready!
     After loads of online research and studying over the next few days, (look mom, I utilized a part of my education!), I contacted GA Cancer Specialists.  The doctor I actually secured an appointment with, is a pancreatic cancer specialist, and he agreed to see us at the end of day, this past Monday.  We didn't really have an actual appointment, but the doctor himself told the office clerk to tack us on after his last appointment, as we would have had to wait about 3 weeks for a real appointment.  As we walked in the office, dad, my sister (Laura), and myself;  dad immediately said, "I like this office better already".  This doctor gave us the same prognosis, as we expected.  He then talked in depth about a variety of chemotherapy, and what he thought could be accomplished.  He recommended a chemo that was a little more aggressive than what is usually used for pancreatic cancer.  He told us the standard chemo, would simply help prolong life, but that the more aggressive chemo, in combination with dad's good health, could actually throw the cancer into remission, and give us more real time with dad!!  This doctor too, was well versed, educated, and confident in his abilities, however, he had something the other doctor was missing.  It seemed as though he had practiced compassion where the other doctor had none.  He also shared with us a sense of urgency in dad's care...the IV port will be implanted tomorrow, and the first chemo treatment will begin on Monday morning.  The first doctor's follow up appointment isn't until this Tuesday just to decide which chemo he wanted to take. Needless to say, that appointment has been cancelled.  Those two doctors said the same thing, in very different ways.  The first said it very cold, with his medical theology to back him up.  He did what his job required him to do.  The second doctor, said it with compassion and concern... as if he practiced regularly, certain additional skills to do his job in the very best way he could.  He seemed to be focused, even well rehearsed, in not only doing his job, but doing it with excellence.
     At the end of last week I received  an email via my sweet sister-in-law, Misty, that was an article written from an interview with Rick Warren.  I was, for obvious reasons, captivated by a portion of that article that talked about eternity.  He discussed his wife's own cancer diagnosis; and her confidence in her eternity.  Then, one phrase just jumped off of the computer screen as if to say "look Libby!!!!"  It said "Life is the preparation for eternity."  Wow!  The article also said "This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal."  Have you ever thought of life that way??  If anything, I have been thinking about life, and death, more in the last few weeks than I ever have.  I have been thinking of my life, my family's lives, my dad's life.  I have been thinking also about death, about our mortality, and our immortality.  I know death.  I know it's devestation and void...I watched death as it swept over my sweet little two pound baby boy on April 20th, 2006; a mere 14 hours after his birth.  I know how death takes away so much, and leaves a path of grief and sadness that words cannot express.  However, I know life and the Creator of not just life, but life everlasting!!  I know the One who has created Eternity, just for me and just for you!!!  When I read those quotes from Rick Warren's article, I sat in tears at the thought that death is a part of life, but as Christian, it is not the end of our life, but just the beginning of our eternity with our heavenly father.  I realized that I am on a mission in this life...to constantly be 'practicing'.  My goal is to keep my eye on the prize, to stay focused, to stay with it!  In the end, my reward is better than any earthly gain...it is eternity...to look upon the face of Jesus, to experience reunions with loved ones, and for me, to pick up my sweet little Gavin, hold him tightly, and to kiss him gently once again! 
     In light of our current circumstances, and as I get older, I find myself growing less and less afraid of death.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, says that there is an appointed time for everything under heaven.  That appointed time includes birth and death, even sorrow and laughter.  We as humans, don't rejoice in death.  We don't want to say goodbye to those we love...and to me, there is never a "good" time to lose someone.  However, as I have been looking at eternity more, and mortality less, heaven is becoming sweeter.  This life won't ever be completely easy.  I will face ups and downs, mountains and valleys...but the question is, will I face them alone??? Never!  I will continue to strive to know Christ more, to show His love more, to communicate with Him better, to show His compassion better, to tell more people about Him, to offer grace continually, and to never let go of His promise of eternal life...I am practicing now for my prize of eternity!!  Are you practicing?  Does your neighbor need a coach?  Be blessed, and remember...practice makes perfect!

        Psalm 28:7  The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

        Psalm 56:3   What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.

Surprise....NOT!

     On Thursday, March 3rd, I was surprised to hear my dad say that the sore spot on his calf had been diagnosed as a blood clot....God was not surprised.  Then on that following Sunday, when Dad called from Gwinnett Medical Center, to say he had been admitted overnight with multiple blood clots in his lungs, I was shocked....God however, was not surprised.  Throughout the course of that week, test after test, doctor after doctor, we were blown away to hear that they had found cancer.  Again, God was not surprised.
     You see, everything in life, good or bad, certain or uncertain, is not in anyway a surprise to God.  He knows our end from our beginning.  He has seen everything before we even breathed our first life's breath!  Nothing that happens in my life will ever make God say "wow, I didn't see that coming".  Now, that does not mean I won't be surprised, or shaken, or even scared out of my shoes sometimes; but what it does mean, is that because God has ordained my being, I can take shelter in His almighty shadow, knowing that his angels are camped round about me.  When we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, nothing in the Bible says life will be easy.  What it does say, is that He gives us peace that passes understanding, wisdom beyond measure, new mercies daily, rest for the weary, grace that covers sin, abiding hope, constant comfort, love unconditional, and life everlasting!  What amazing promises He has made to us; and He never fails.  His word says He gives strength when we need it, and He will never leave us or forsake us.  Who on earth can make such promises?  Only God!
     Sometimes, even as believers, the rains come, and we begin to feel as though the flood waters will wash over us and we will surely drown.  As christians, this is where we "cowboy up" and trust that God has only the very best in store for us.  It means trusting Him beyond our current circumstance, and believing we are in the palm of His hand.  Even the scriptures speak of personal suffering.  Matthew 5:45 says "for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and the unjust".  Thus, no one is exempt from trouble.  But, what scripture does promise us is this, Isaiah 43:1-2  "But now thus saith the Lord that created the, O Jacob, and he that formed thee O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by name; thou art mine.  When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."  Wow!  No matter what we face, the Lord himself is walking beside us, protecting us every step of the way!  Thank you God for being so steadfast!
     Everyday we are given, He has already been there!  He goes before us and makes straight our path.  For me, the assurance of His presence somedays, is overwhelming.  I know that no matter what I face, I can hold to His outstretched, unchanging hand...and He will shield me.  In this life, I too have been affected by struggles.  There are days when I seek earnestly to understand His plan, but I continue to trust that He is able; He is faithful, and that His way, not mine, is perfect. 
     On this past Thursday, my dad, had a PET scan.  The object of the scan, was to locate the origin of the cancer found in his lymph nodes, and to determine treatment options/regimens.  Tonight, my heart is heavy.  It is heavy for dad, for his health and his emotional well-being.  It is also heavy for what is to come, the treatments, more sickness, and selfishly, for the unknown.  As I sit and reflect on life, and my own mortality, I do realize a few important things about tomorrow.  I know I cannot personally change or stop what will happen tomorrow in the oncologist's office.  I also know that I, in my own power, cannot take this away from my dad.  However, be assured that...whatever happens in that office, God has gone before us, and He will not be surprised or taken aback at what we hear.  Instead, He will be in our midst, no matter what.  Does your neighbor know of His goodness?  Maybe they should.

100 % Responsible/Parent!

Waking this morning at 4:30 am was not my idea of a good night’s sleep.  That being said, I did not wake up at that time because I wanted to...it was because my "responsibility" was patting me on the arm saying "mommy, I have to go potty".  I say "responsibility" because I read a couple of articles yesterday about women who decided not to be a 'full time' parent because the responsibility was just too overwhelming.  I have lots of thoughts toward that perspective, but I will maintain kindness while discussing my thoughts... :)  I have three daughters, Bethany is 16, Elizabeth is 11, and Brooklyn is 3.  I completely understand that children are a HUGE responsibility in this life.  (One of mine, at this moment, is interrupting me to ask what we are having for lunch!)  I understand that while no one is a perfect parent, parenting is a responsibility, which you cannot relinquish.  You may try, but there will be a time, when that responsibility, is staring you in the face asking for answers about your ability, or lack of it, to honor your commitment as a parent.  What will you say?  If someday, my children ask me about parenting, I will have plenty to say, and it’s all good!  Bethany and Elizabeth are both very quiet girls, and were even when they were small; I didn't really have trouble with them.  Bethany is actually my stepdaughter, and even though I didn't have her daily, I welcomed our weekends with her.  Eric and I enjoyed having her with us, and we learned a lot about ourselves in the early years of our marriage, because we grew closer through that sweet little girl whom God had graciously placed in our lives.  In 2000, Elizabeth was born...what a wakeup call from ‘every other weekend parenting’, to every day parenting!  However, I loved it.  I began to really see the love that God has always had for me, through the love I had for my children.  Elizabeth was a perfect baby...slept through the night early on, she had a soft sweet little cry, and the most precious personality (which she still has).  I thought throughout the first few years of her life, that these people that harm their children, or leave them, did not have the capacity to truly love them.   Then came Brooklyn (2007)...and my opinions of motherhood changed drastically!  Brooklyn came into this world screaming, and didn't stop for about 3 months.  What a trying time for Eric and I, especially since we were still dealing with the grief of losing Gavin, our son, in 2006.  I became a stay home mommy at that time, and happily settled into that role of parenting.  Now, though I love being a mommy, there were some days when Eric got home, that I would be waiting at the door to hand Brooklyn off to him, and go to another room, just for a few minutes, to regroup, and wrangle my 'sanity' back in.  None of my behavior, in my opinion was abnormal of a new mother.  The responsibility can be very heavy, I am not denying that.  However, none of those feelings made me less of a mother; just like none of our behavior ever makes our Heavenly Father less of a father to us.  It is all about unconditional, unselfish, abounding love!  That is our role in life as Christians.  Our love should spill out for the world to see.  The love I have for my children is fierce, as the Father’s love is for us!  I cannot imagine being without them, much less walking away from them for someone else to raise.  I do not know what causes people, men or women, to leave their role as a parent.  It doesn't make sense to my earthly thoughts, but perhaps spiritually minded; those abandonments could be seen much differently.  I think that sometimes in life, things happen that we just cannot understand.  Sometimes becoming a parent doesn't cause you to want to run away from life, it just magnifies those thoughts of uncertainty inside of us, causing fear to take over.  Once fear takes over, we begin thinking not the way God thinks, but the way man alone thinks.  Without the power God places within us, we maintain thoughts of defeat, and a lack of self worth; in turn, thinking that we cannot succeed at tasks at hand, including parenting.  Those people who walk away from parenting, in my opinion, have much greater struggles within than just feeling overwhelmed by parenting.  Sometimes, when my role as a parent is overwhelming, I turn to the ultimate parent.  I tell Him my feelings of fear, and defeat, and uncertainty; and God always hears me.  He knows my every care!  I stated in my first blog, that being a Christian “doesn’t ‘solve’ all our weakness (troubles) in life, but it does create an atmosphere inside of me that encourages me to keep on keeping on” and I would like to elaborate on that.  He doesn’t snap His fingers and cause everything in our life to fall perfectly into place.  By saying that having a personal relationship with Him doesn’t “solve” things, I mean that just because I am a Christian, my life is certainly not perfect.  I have trials, and I have failures,  I have endured hardships that I didn’t understand, but I know that the underlying strength that kept me going, was that I was seeking counsel from the very best parent!!  God gave me amazing earthly parents, but there are times in life, that I need Him alone to hold me when I am broken, and to sooth my hurts.  God allows us to “feel” reality, because it teaches us to lean on Him, and not depend only on ourselves.  I wholeheartedly believe God is always the answer in life!  He is the strength in our weakness, the victory in our defeat, the courage in our fear, the success throughout failures, and the perfection through all of our mistakes.  I wonder if God thought, at any point in my life so far, that the responsibility was too great to care for me full time??  I wonder if He thought the responsibility was too great to bear as He watched his son die on the cross??  I wonder if He has ever thought His responsibility to us was too great when we, his children, betray him, and walk away from him; renouncing him and all he has to offer us??  God himself, in the flesh, walked among us through his son Jesus....then unselfishly...offered him, sinless, as atonement for our sins, that we may not suffer and die for those sins WE committed.  His responsibility to us has never waivered...nor has His commitment to us ever faltered.  Thank God for his faithfulness!!  We have been given the tools we need to successfully accomplish all that life hands us….be it parenting, career, school, relationships; this list could continue indefinitely, just as His love continues for us, indefinitely!  Be blessed today…be the person God has called you to be!  You have inside of you, the answer for your friends, your family, your children, and even…your neighbor! 

** Romans 8:37-39   Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

** 1 Peter 5:7  Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you.

Loving the Neighbors!
Libby T

Intro....Loving the Neighbors

Well, I have been thinking this through now, for about a month.  For whatever reason, today was the day!  I guess that is good for me, because I have great ideas, but I fall short many times when it comes to seeing these 'ideas' through.  That is one of many of my weaknesses...but isn't life full of weaknesses???  They come in many different forms: emotional weakness, spiritual weakness, physical weakness, even weakness as a result from an experience in life...yep, lots of weakness.  However, I have found an amazing therapy for my weakness!  I have found that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ doesn't "solve" lifes weaknesses (or problems), but it does create an atmosphere inside of me that encourages me to keep on keeping on.  My relationship with Jesus offers hope for my hopelessesness and an abounding strength for my weakness.  My prayer for this blog is to encourage others...not out of my perfection, but out of my humanity, yep, my "less than perfect life"!  In my biography, I listed the general info, about family, interests, etc.  I also stated a little about what I strive for in life.  I stated that not all are called to be famous Christian figures, familiar to millions, but may be called just to reach out to their neighbor.  I have wondered many times in life, what my purpose actually was; and how my experiences could possibly reflect God's love for me??  Hopefully, sharing some of those experiences and what I have learned from them, I can somehow reflect the wonder, and unabounding love the Father has for HIS children, in spite of the circumstance's of life!  I pray that God speaks to those who may read these posts, and that some may find the hope they need to continue in this thing we call life!  Maybe it can even help someone to love their neighbor too!!  Hugs and Blessings!

** Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
** Lamentations 3:24  The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Loving the neighbors!
Libby T